Angel Dust and Assholes :-)

Id split men in to two categories, angels and assholes. My dear friends, have married angels. For some reason, the assholes keep finding me. Yesterday, I had a friendship ending fight with my latest ex asshole. And when another woman witnesses the ex asshole fight, her duty is to make drinks available, plentiful and quickly. Thats exactly what Jennifer did. She took my hand, calmed me reassuring me that Ive been living in a play pen and its time to get out with the big kids. We met her boyfriend (angel) at a bar in Union Square and had a fantastic time. Not 20 minutes into the night I step outside to bum a cigarette from some random dude to help calm my nerves. Said random dude and his girl friend (hes gay, so literally just girl friend) become my best fucking friends for the rest of the night. Jennifer and her man leave the bar and I stay with my new found companions. We have a blast talking about life and all the weird shit that happens. Due to the nature of the content, I will not be using names. But new best friends and I decide to head to this bar in Chelsea. Girlfriend used to work there so we walk straight to the bar, free drinks immediately. We're then directed behind these big closed doors, just the owner and the three musketeers. I think, "oh shit, i know where this is going". The past hiccups of my life remind me all too well of what is about to go down. All the sudden the disco dust is all over the bar with dollar bills rolled up and ready to go. I watch the pretty powder being cut and moved around the beautiful bar and remember the "not so good old days". I dont participate for several reasons. One being that the come down off that wack stuff is deadly. Literally. So I observe and giggle as the conversations get quicker and with more conviction. Time to head back to "reality". Suddenly, as those big doors swing open again. Im in heaven, there are white angels everywhere! Its fleet week baby, and every single NYC chick knows just what to do with that! I walk around and introduce myself to all the groups of sailors. Im like the welcoming committee. I welcome them with open arms to my city, ask if they have any questions and let them know Im here if they need anything. While doing this, Im really scoping out my victim for the night. I find him. His name is Stefan....not Steven like my dad....but "Stef'AH'n. God bless the military and whatever they do to turn men into such fine gentlemen. He courted me for the rest of the night, bought my drinks, pulled out my chair, opened the door, asked me out for dinner tonight and at the end, like a true gentlemen, sent me on my way, ALONE, and paid the cabbie to get me home safe. Im sorry, but after dealing with asshole, I totally deserved that. Went home with a huge smile on my face. And you bet your ass Im letting him take me out for dinner tonight. Im milking that gentlemen stuff for as long as I can. I lost my new best friends toward the end of the night, but I have their email so Im going to find them today. What a night....which only woke up to my Dr. at the door to take my blood at 8 AM on a Saturday morning. She thinks I have liver failure. Just another day in the life!!! Stay tuned :-)

Keep your enemies close, but your pants closer.

So....its been two weeks. And I fought a good hard fight, but Im done. Friday was gay night, and Im sorry, as a straight woman, its unimaginable to hit the gay clubs with out some sort of liquid lubrication. Last night, Karaoke, and no one should be allowed to be sober while participating or even attending. Its just wrong. So there. The good news is, I definitely chilled out and have felt amazing. But Im sorry, I still agree that a good solid buzz makes everything in NYC a hell of a lot more manageable and interesting. So Id like to share a story. I was listening to this guy at the bar telling his story of arriving home the other night sans pants. Amazing. Some where between the bar and his home, his pants were removed. A cop found them spread on the front of a cab. His wallet was in there so they were able to contact him and return his drawers. This reminded me of one of my favorite tales in the life of Ashley.

I was in Chicago a few years ago, newly single and feeling very frisky. Out with the ladies, I met Scott from Virginia. He was in the army. We spent the night chatting and flirting. It was lovely. We then decided it would be so romantic to go over to Lake Michigan and make out on the beach. During our very high school make out session, a group of gals decide to go skinny dipping about 50 yards away from us. Trying to be "cool" and totally forgetting about my integrity, I told stupid Scott that he was welcome to go frolic with the naked ladies. He said "really?? you wont care??" I was SHOCKED that he even considered it and then, he actually got up, took all his clothes off and SPRINTED to the ladies. I was horrified. So I pick up his shoes and start to walk away. That'll teach him. About half way up the beach, I realized, WHAT AM I THINKING??? Just his shoes?? No....I walked back and gathered up all of his clothing and dispersed them one by one over fences and into peoples yards on my walk home to Annies. The next day at lunch, as Im telling Abby this story, shes reminds me that he was visiting and I also disposed of his cell phone and wallet. Im sure one of the naked mermaids took care of him, but I seriously hope he was standing nude, holding his junk, on lake shore drive trying to hail a cab to....no where....as he probably didn't remember where he was staying.

Hahaha....love it. Stay tuned....theres a LOT more where this came from.

Its gotta be 50/50

Ive been neglectful, sorry my dear blog. Well, aside from my emotional break down, everything is going great! Ive been getting some killer work outs in every day and about 10-11 hours of sleep a night! Heaven, I know...esp to the moms out there. But I feel great! Some updates:

Ive decided that persistence must be rewarded, so Ive agreed to a date with Uncle Fester. The dude will literally not give up. Who knows, maybe hes the man of my dreams ;-)Anyway, I told him Im busy for the next week and a half but we can have dinner after that. Sorry, still gonna make him work for it. But that should be a VERY interesting post! I wonder if Ill even recognize him??

Two, sometimes when life flat lines, ya gotta shake it up a bit. So Im very happy to report that Ive made some very important decisions today that I am extremely excited and terrified about! I am not yet at liberty to report on the details. But what I will say, sometimes you just have to dive head first in to the deep end....close your eyes, hold your breath and pray to GOD that you dont hit the ground head first. Especially as you get older, you have to have some sense about you, learn from your life lessons but also grow some, excuse me, balls along the way. Its 50/50. Its that happy medium that I think makes a person, like me anyway, really happy. Anyway, today was all about the 50/50. I will report when I can, but be ready my blogging friends, a HUGE adventure is just around the corner!!

Keep it real my friends...and as a good friend of mine from Jackson always says, that I still say to this day...and I continue to live by....dont talk about it, BE about it ;-)

Celebrity Apprentice!!

Beautiful day in NYC! On my way to teach spinning outside! Should be fun. Watch Celebrity Apprentice tonight on NBC and look for me, "Cate". If Im not on camera, you should at least hear me give "a talking to" to Curtis Stone.

And Happy Mothers day to all of the moms out there, esp mine! Love you!

Still day 4: Are you that desperate??

Quick note, baldy is still asking me out!! After 3 texts that I did not reply to asking me out, he now texts "Got my glasses, I would still like to have dinner sometime" DUDE...my biggest issue with this is, why would you think dinner would be a good idea? after my obnoxious behavior and calling me psycho AND ignoring your texts, GET OVER IT. He MUST be desperate....that or Im a real blast 20 sheets to the wind. Its been a week....move on! And as I've recently been told..."quit being so pushy!"

Day 4: No Sugar Coating Unless its a Margarita

Im writing this blog, not for you, whoever you are, but for me. Its about honesty, its about real life and human struggles but most specifically mine. Its about waking up to reality and not sugar coating what we're afraid to look at, afraid of accepting or being. Im not writing dark, im just going to write honest. I had the worst day ever yesterday, well, relatively speaking. I remember one specific reason NYC is all about drinking, because its hard to live here! And although I've never lived in another big city, Im sure its true for Chicago, LA etc. Public transportation is annoying, being dressed well is a must, but working here...I dont care what your job is, its hard. Working is hard in general, no one works for their health, we all just have to do it. But then you add on the stresses of living in a big city, single, pretty much broke, when "good" is never good enough, it i s F'ing hard! Ive done it for 6 years and to be honest, Ill leave NY at some point, but Ill never leave the vicinity of a big city. So Im just going to have to pull up the big girl panties and deal with it. But, I did drink last night...I just wanted to be numb. I wanted instant gratification of not thinking of nor dealing with real life. Its a sissy copout and I know that. I could have easily written how I bought a pair of designer shoes with the money Im saving in "not drinking", and just left last night out, but Im not. If you're going to do something, you may as well do it 100% honest. So I did, I gave in. I didn't make out with any scary people, didn't dance on any tables, just drank until I COULDN'T FEEL FEELINGS ;-) (thats for you erin) But the good news is, todays a new day. God gave us that as a clean slate, I think anyway. So....here I go again on my own ;-)

Day 3 - Gods Subtle Lessons

Today I woke up anxiously awaiting mother natures monthly visit. Around noon I went to hang out with the other, but most important bald man in my life, Victor :-) Victor is sick. I now understand why we are seeing all those interviews with the undercover alcoholic moms with vodka in their coffee mug every morning. Good day, it aint easy! The day went on and tears started to fill my eyes, just as I almost joined Victor in a "woe is me" wale, mother nature decided to make her appearance. OH PRAISE GOD!

ugh, what a day...I need a cocktail...oh screw it, who are we kidding, give me a bottle!