Keep your enemies close, but your pants closer.

So....its been two weeks. And I fought a good hard fight, but Im done. Friday was gay night, and Im sorry, as a straight woman, its unimaginable to hit the gay clubs with out some sort of liquid lubrication. Last night, Karaoke, and no one should be allowed to be sober while participating or even attending. Its just wrong. So there. The good news is, I definitely chilled out and have felt amazing. But Im sorry, I still agree that a good solid buzz makes everything in NYC a hell of a lot more manageable and interesting. So Id like to share a story. I was listening to this guy at the bar telling his story of arriving home the other night sans pants. Amazing. Some where between the bar and his home, his pants were removed. A cop found them spread on the front of a cab. His wallet was in there so they were able to contact him and return his drawers. This reminded me of one of my favorite tales in the life of Ashley.

I was in Chicago a few years ago, newly single and feeling very frisky. Out with the ladies, I met Scott from Virginia. He was in the army. We spent the night chatting and flirting. It was lovely. We then decided it would be so romantic to go over to Lake Michigan and make out on the beach. During our very high school make out session, a group of gals decide to go skinny dipping about 50 yards away from us. Trying to be "cool" and totally forgetting about my integrity, I told stupid Scott that he was welcome to go frolic with the naked ladies. He said "really?? you wont care??" I was SHOCKED that he even considered it and then, he actually got up, took all his clothes off and SPRINTED to the ladies. I was horrified. So I pick up his shoes and start to walk away. That'll teach him. About half way up the beach, I realized, WHAT AM I THINKING??? Just his shoes?? No....I walked back and gathered up all of his clothing and dispersed them one by one over fences and into peoples yards on my walk home to Annies. The next day at lunch, as Im telling Abby this story, shes reminds me that he was visiting and I also disposed of his cell phone and wallet. Im sure one of the naked mermaids took care of him, but I seriously hope he was standing nude, holding his junk, on lake shore drive trying to hail a cab to....no where....as he probably didn't remember where he was staying.

Hahaha....love it. Stay tuned....theres a LOT more where this came from.